I feel like I could scream. I should, it would make me feel better maybe. There's a real battle going on inside me lately. Part of me thinks that it's because I'm dropping the ball with my aunt, yet I feel that the Lord led me to another alternative with her situation. Once we've established where she is right now, we're going to call a church and see if a minister can visit with her. It's easily a seven hour trip from here one way. And that also means that Tayton would have to endure that trip both ways too. If I've learned anything in the past three months, it's that life is very fragile and you just can't assume there is another day to put things off. The problem I'm having is working what I want to do in with what I have to do day to day and finding time to fit it all in!
Then there's the fact that I really feel like I'm loosing my identity. I've felt that way for a long time. I know being a mom is important and thankless, but there really needs to be a balance. I only see friends maybe every 2-3 months. Am I having a mid-life crisis or something? Paul is gone today, racing a sprint car on the ice with his dad and Tyler. He hunts(2 months of the year), fishes, does archery league and now this ice racing thing. Not alot of balance there. Hmm...no wonder I have lost my identity. I guess I should be thankful that I'm able to go to church Wednesday nights now. It just doesn't feel like enough though. Seems that I sit here at home with Tayton and alot times Katia too. Katia was crying this morning about the fact that Tyler gets to do more. I don't know how to console her cause I feel the exact same way! Is this just the life of a woman and we should just suck it up and get over it? As I look around, I sure do see alot of women in the same boat. And don't get me wrong, as a preference I'm a homebody anyway. I would just like an option of being so and not put in the "box" of being home all the time.
Okay I think I feel a little better having gotten that off my chest.
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3 comments:
Oh you are so right- I don't know why I don't see those things when I get down. Paul ended up racing again last night in Escanaba- so he came home for five minutes and then left again. Ugh. Tayton was super crabby yesterday. We packed up and went and watched the races last night though and it helped to keep him happy. Initially the plan was that we would all go to Menominee in the morning. Then Paul said he would call and tell us where the races were. So we waited around and he never called. So that stunk. Needless to say, he was racing from 8am till 11pm and was quite excited about it all. He deserved a break, so do I:-) Love ya!
I must be an introvert too, cause that's exactly what I have told Paul would even make me happy is just go grocery shopping by myself or go for a walk or something alone. Or the thought of going golfing alone early in the morning is like my all time dream. As it is right now, I literally don't get any time alone. And then I feel bad for even requesting it! Eesh! Thanks for your response Tia, it helps more than you know.
Sometimes we have to hold their feet to the fire....have a good heart to heart with that precious husband of yours, and make sure he sees that he needs to have balance in all his activities, so you can have balance in your life as well. We all need to get away from "life" even if its just for a very brief time....and I can sure sympathize when our guy seems to get the bulk of that "down time". Alot of the time though, its because they really don't know or understand our needs, and because they can't always "fix" or meet those needs, its just easier to deny that they exist. Tia's right....I wish I could have learned her wisdom when I was alot younger. I praying for you.
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