Kit Kat and life

I needed to write a blog of various content tonight, mostly to gain perspective. Since Sunday, I've not been able to sleep much. My girl is dealing with some things at school that have my mind racing. I'm more concerned than she, that's the way it usually is. I always think, I have one chance to raise my kids, so don't mess up! One chance for them to really understand what they are supposed to learn so they don't end up always running the race that never finishes. I want them to be successful, smart individuals, with their firm stand in what they believe(they already have that) and the fact that when everyone and everything can fail them in life, they know that their God will never fail them. It's what most God fearing Moms want for their children. So what do you do when you don't know how to make it better? When you've done all you can and now you have to wait? I don't want my daughter to ever experience the pain that I experienced. It seems to me that raising a daughter is much more complex than raising sons. Of course hormones will come into play soon enough, but it seems that you really have to live day to day just protecting her from being the prey. I can see that I'm just going to have to live with the fact that from now on in, our responsibility is just that. To protect her in this world with God's hand upon her as well. And I guess there will be many sleepless nights as she grows. Sure would be easier if they could just stay five!

And in another area, I've come back to the realization that Paul is not "watching the kids for me" while I go to work at church, or go to bible study, or Sunday service or to visit friends. He's spending time with his little son as his father, not as his babysitter. I don't know why I tend to feel guilty if I'm not his sole caretaker- 24-7. And Paul is more than willing to watch him at any time, I just have it in my head that he's got better things to get done. So tomorrow, I'm getting back on track with my spiritual growth. I'm not going to let it get put on the backburner. Before, the whole nursing thing was really hard to work around, but now he's not so dependant on nursing, it's mostly a comfort component. So tomorrow, when I bring the kids to WOL club, I can actually stay for bible study/prayer group myself! I'm pumped! It may seem trivial, but for me, it's a pure luxury!