Intensity

I love intense moments to a degree. Like when you are watching your son's last football game- a receiver runs down 3/4 of the field(how many yards is that?) and makes a touchdown in the last 45 seconds of the game. Then nine seconds to go, there's a fumble on the other team and our receiver tries to make another touchdown again, but fail this time. That was Tuesday night- I just might be the only freak in the stands screaming, but I can't contain the excitement!
Or I like the intensity of life when it forces you to survival mode. I like making my own bread as a protest to the bread store's higher prices. If I am making a special trip out of my way to buy cheap bread and it's not cheap anymore- I am not going to buy it. I'll make it, gosh darn it. I love being able to make larger meals with less meat and more beans- my cousin taught me that:-)
And what I also love is that when you are in survival mode- I can say that Paul and I are a stronger team than ever. You hear about alot of couples fighting over money- it doesn't happen here. Communication is key to that though. Even though I do all the bills at home, Paul knows exactly where we're at- every day. It makes me sick to hear women say they secretly bought things for themselves or their homes and were not going to tell their husbands. That kind of deceit is exactly what starts chipping away at a marriage. Once, years back, Paul bought a computer scanner- it's a tool that mechanics use for diagnosing cars. Dealerships have them, but techs like to have their own portable ones. So he and a friend agreed to buy this scanner together. It was like $4000. The part that he left out was telling me. I was livid when I found out. I think that was the turning point though. We ended up paying the majority of that great idea- the other guy sort of disappeared. Ever since, there's been great communication and no, the frying pan didn't come out, but I did make my point clear. We're partners- in everything.
Up until yesterday, the intensity was building regarding how, or when we were going to be able to heat our home. I don't like this intensity though. As you know, we had to dig up the water lines for the boiler- some 125 feet worth- replace insulation, separate the inlet and outlet lines with separate insulation, put it all in corregated underground pipe, and then replace fittings that we couldn't find anywhere. The manufacturer quit making them. Well, we found a new alternative at my fav hardware store- THE HOME DEPOT. We have one an hour away. So we got the fittings and got it all ready to fill with antifreeze. All this has taken a couple months to complete. So last weekend, the antifreeze was put in only to find a leak on the stove. It's a minor leak, but we started the boiler anyway two nights ago. This weekend will be the repair to the leak, but at last we have heat. And it's so much better than last year!!! Worth the work and extra money for sure. There's a second thermostat in the house and I can adjust it and have any temperature I want from the boiler. When we got our income tax, we bought this internal furnace heater coil. That has sure made the difference. We had a car radiator in the basement with a blower behind it- of course, duct work custom made, but we just couldn't get much heat last year. But it was all for free so it got us by. So that's all gone now- I have my laundry sorting area back and we have heat! Weeks ago, I thought, oh we have so much to get done, there didn't seem a light at the end of the tunnel. Course we have 11 cords of wood to cut- or I should say Paul does. I'm sure I'll be piling the small stuff. He's been cutting another 11 cords for several weekends and weekdays for his dad and is almost done and then ours will start.
Today, Tyler is trying out for Jazz band. He's been practicing for two weeks. He will still be in his regular daily band class, but this jazz band plays more concerts and the music is more fun. He was playing the alto sax and his teacher asked him to try the bari-sax. Well, he loves it- it's quite a bit larger I guess. So much so that, bringing it home is difficult so he will practice with his alto at home- the fingering is all the same he says.
I have been struggling with the intensity that could be involved with being too involved. I've committed to Word of Life again- the 5th and 6th grade girls. Well we have a new youth group for the Jr and Sr. Highers. Paul and I had gone on the youth campout this summer at Pastor's cottage. It was a great time. I've always felt in my heart that I wanted to be more involved with the youth group. But doing both would be hard. Especially now, both the teenagers and WOL have quiet time books, verses to memorize, Christian service activities and fun events. So when asked, I told the director I would only be able to help out with the activity end of it. Like if he needed another adult etc. I had hoped that someone else from the church would step up. We've had a need for a woman leader for the girls since the beginning of September and no one came forward. And still no one has, but I've been asked to be there each week. I help with check in, announcements and prayer groups. And you know, it's been a real blessing. These kids are really neat- and you can really see how their faith has matured. The youth group is dressing up like bible characters from costumes at church and will go out on Halloween to hand out tracts on the streets. They will explain their character that they are dressed up as. Then a pizza party afterward. So Tyler is going to be King David.
And last but not least, the color intensity here has been breathtaking. It's starting to change toward the end of the peak now- more browns than reds and yellows. I wasn't much of a fall person until recent years. My favorite has always been spring- but wow- how fortunate we are to live where we live. The drive out to our house from town is filled with hardwoods along the lake. There is this one corner- it's like the brightest place in the county. Bright orange, red and yellow maples and oaks with the backdrop the lake and beautiful blue sky! It's so awesome. And you know, it's beautiful here in every season. I love the bright array of greens in the spring, I love the snow laden pines in the winter, and actually summer is the least dramatic of all with just waves catching my attention along my way home.
We were talking about anxiety in my SS class this past Sunday. The teacher had said how he gets anxiety when deer hunting season is about to arrive. I think sometimes anxiety gets confused with excitement or anxiousness. I struggle with the word. But it's like intensity- it can be a good thing or a bad thing. It's good for us to get excited about things, but when the intensity or anxiety builds over stressful things- there's one place where we find peace, in our Lord. And maybe that peace is the joy we feel about the intensity of something else- like leaves or success. Focusing on something else takes the intensity away from the negative.
I've been able to do that this week. I had a heart stopping moment Sunday night. A message from a hanus individual that hurt me a great deal. He had my phone number- after 32 years. That intensity quickly felt like panic-a puking kind. That was not the good intensity. My parents stepped in, blanketed me in love, and eliminated the threat and the Lord has been able to keep my mind at ease. And I'm so thankful for that. If I didn't have the Lord, I'd be consumed with fear over this. No one can pluck me from his hand and I'm protected. That's intense!